The Decision

The decision was made.. then unmade..then made again.  We spent most of the last few months staggering between feeling so certain and so doubtful.  Should this be an emotional choice or a logical choice?  Or a responsible choice?  As Scott and I sluggishly contorted ourselves to fit on a packed subway car, at the peak of our mental exhaustion, I secretly took out my pen and pad to make a pros and cons list to ease my throbbing brain.  So many cons teamed up against one lonely pro, but that pro is what was making the decision so hard… Scott watched me stuff them back in my purse and would not have thought anything of it until he saw the big, bold title that read Moving Home at the top of the pad.  Dammit!!  I didn’t want to get into it now… Every few days we seemed to replay the same frustrating conversation that just went in circles until one of us held up our little white flags.  I shyly handed over the pad and after a second of frantically scanning the scribbles he said, ‘You can only think of that one pro??’

Yes, I could only think of that one pro which I marked with three stars.  The only pro I could think to keep us in New York was for us to gain another full year of work experience.. and the pizza.. but I scratched that out.  One of the biggest cons was moving.  Our lease is up this December and if we chose to stay we would have the delightful task of moving in the most horrendous conditions, not to mention the fact that we would have to find a place first.. which is a nightmare in and of itself.  Meanwhile the pros list of moving back home was quite extensive with items including: SPACE, family and friends, air conditioning, cheaper, not living with strange and disgusting room mates who don’t know how to clean up after themselves!  After seeing the list on paper, I could see on Scott’s face that his mind was made up then and there.  My shoulders fell back down below my ears for the first time in weeks and I shut my eyes for the rest of the trip home, laying my head on Scott’s shoulder as we swayed with the subway car.  Now the decision was made.. and stayed that way and we are so happy to announce that we are moving home!  Pittsburgh here we come!

It’s important to note that we both really have enjoyed every moment of living here, even though some of it has been extremely difficult.  We definitely had huge moments of struggle, self-doubt, and confusion, but the time we spent here has been absolutely invaluable to us as individuals, as a couple, and to our music.  We have accomplished amazing things here and I am so proud of us both for taking the risk.  New York has given us so many wonderful gifts and we are so thankful.  I still love New York and would live here forever if I could make it work.  Scott really does love it too, in his own ways, but he says the only way we’ll move back is if we make a hit song and have an extra million dollars lying around!  This city really is a magical place and I highly recommend trying it out for a few months, especially if you are a creative.  I’ve become much tougher, stronger, and more resourceful because when the city throws you a punch, you have to know how to punch right back!  I’ve had so much fun here and we are both really enjoying our last few months while anxiously awaiting the journey back home!

TreesLive at Prospect Park

And I can’t sleep again tonight surrounded by these city lights

And they are blinding

I think about when I was young spending my time in the sun

It was so inviting


Somebody please take me back to the trees

Take me back to where it all began

Cuz now all I do is just sit inside a cube

I need a place where I can run again

Where I can run again


Oh these days I’m dejected, I feel so disconnected

This is not my home

That feeling I got on that day when we walked

Left me tired wanting so much more than what’s outside in my backyard


So Somebody please take me back to the trees

Take me back to where it all began

Cuz now all I do is just sit inside a cube

I need a place where I can run again

Oh I need a place where I can run again

Where I can run again

2 thoughts on “The Decision

  1. I love you both and I love New York. I can’t say I am sorry to hear you all are moving back for my own selfish reasons. I like being around you both, and i like going to hear you both perform. I would suggest you reframe your thoughts. I hear in your post you feel that you might have failed in some way. That couldn’t be farther from the truth. New York was just a part of your journey and as you say you have learned a lot about your self, each other and the world in general. Embrace this next leg of the trek, celebrate what you have learned and come home with smiles on your faces cause thats what you are going to see on our faces. love Max


  2. Pingback: Points of Light | far.flown.falcon

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